Captain Joe Dorfus

Joe is a captain in the E.C.D. (Earth Colony Defense) which occupies and protects the territories of the Terran Empire. In Moon City, he spent most of his days coming up with new ways to avoid actual work, until he was transferred by the higher-ups to serve as a scapegoat for the numerous problems sure to arise from the ill-prepared surprise founding of a new Martian colony. So far, he's managed to fend off the first wave of an invading alien force with only the help of his droid, Nanner, and compatriot, Lt. Big Lips.

Loves:

Sleeping, eating, drinking, 11 Ball Arcade, Kung Fu, and generally having a fantastic time.

Hates:

Responsibility, waking up, reporting in, things that aren't awesome, logic

Superpower:

Wears standard ECD combat armor, which offers decent protection against physical and energy-based weapons, extreme temperatures, and some forms of radiation. Carries a standard infantry flame-thrower unit in his glove, as well as a topaz-based hand laser. Excellent marksman and pilot.

Lieutenant Big Lips

A lieutenant in the ECD, Big Lips has known Joe since childhood and served with him on the colony of Earth's Moon until he, too, was transferred to Mars with Joe. His whole life, Joe has been his inescapable bad luck charm, and somehow, he has always suspected, is responsible for his ridiculous birth name.

Loves:

Peace & quiet, stable routines, sushi, the Space Learning Channel

Hates:

Joe doing things, messes, zippers, Joe being right

Superpower:

Wears armor similar to Joe's, but also has leg bracers designed to heighten speed and mobility. The visor he wears allows him to see wavelengths of light and forms of radiation invisible to the human eye if he so chooses, as well as serving to correct his poor vision. He also has a flame thrower unit in his glove.

Nanner

Nanner has been Joe's faithful companion and helper since he was deemed to be a "high-risk case" by an ECD psychologist. He is one of many "robojerk" droids, a particular model of AI popularized as human assistants by Dr. Franz Jerk several decades ago. He does his best to keep himself and others calm and safe, which is no easy task as the constant assistant/babysitter to Joe.

Loves:

Joe listening, making deductions, preventing disasters, Tetris

Hates:

MTV, Joe being near to or aware of explosive things, sharp things, poisonous things, and electrical outlets

Superpower:

A living computer capable of instantly retrieving information from galactic databases, he can also fly at great speeds, and lift great amounts of weight. These and other abilities make Nanner, and other robojerks like him, the perfect entities to protect their masters from themselves, or to serve as assistants to normal people.

Commander Timothy Korpulint

Like Joe, it seems reasonable to assume that the ECD chose him as the commander of all their personnel on Mars because for one reason, or another...he's got potential scapegoat written all over him. Up until the attack on the colony, his administration had consisted mainly of sending Joe and Bigs out to get him food.

Loves:

Eating, donuts, eating donuts, childrens' television

Hates:

Alien attacks, sugar crashes, ice cream headaches, prolonged seperation from munchies

Superpower:

Other than the protection afforded by his suit of ECD armor, Tim commonly carries no weapons and possesses no special abilities, but is well known for his appetite, of course.

Arrogant, ruthless, dramatic, stubborn, impatient, and secretly insecure, this odd-looking plantlike creature is an ambitious conqueror; a galactic scourge who has become overlord of many worlds. He travels in a mobile battle-planet, the Star Palace, which houses arms factories, war labs, and his siege forces. After a botched attempt to seize the newly terraformed world of Mars and build an offensive against Earth, he now makes a desperate bid to stamp out the ECD on Mars before Earth learns of his presence and forces him out.

Loves:

Himself, being melodramatically villainous, orchestrating bizarre & grandiose plans, Masterpiece Theatre

Hates:

Being thwarted, space pirates, humans, computers

Superpower:

Little is known in our corner of the galaxy of Planto's species, but he does possess strength which belies his frail appearance. He commonly carries a plasma ray and a personal energy shield.

This colossal alien is often found spearheading Planto's infantry at the onslaught of one of his invasions. He is the mightiest of Planto's most trusted men, his "Terrible Five." Outside of a battle, though, Arnold is a calm, child-like being with a very poor command of the common galactic language.

Loves:

Chocolate, Ralph Lauren, hygiene, home decoration, cooking, hamsters, being told what to do

Hates:

Getting things dirty, chickens, battling without brunch

Superpower:

With strength and resilience exceeding even the implications of his size, Planto's champion wields a massive double-edged adamantium axe as his only weapon, and frankly, needs no other. Able to charge through barrages of lasers and cleave heavily armored war engines in two with one fell stroke, he has never encountered a willing opponent.

The youngest of the Terrible Five, Slimes is appropriately impetuous, opinionated, and rude. He is perhaps the most enthusiastic in his job as a villain, not yet quite as jaded with his work as some of his elders. Before he was recruited by Planto, he was an independently operating thief in the Space City.

Loves:

Fast ships, gadgets, precious gems and minerals, bragging, sneaking, stealing

Hates:

Co-villains being whiny wuss-bags, space police, holding his fire, cats

Superpower:

Slimes can move with great speed and agility, climbing up walls and ceilings, and leaping great heights, and can fit through small spaces, making him ideal for espionage and burglary. He typically wields an arm-mounted grappling beam, useful for propelling himself long distances quickly, grasping distant objects, or breaking opponent's limbs.

Known to the universe only by this alias, this creature is especially feared by those who recognize him for what he is, but not by those who know his actual history in his previous employ. Working for such a figure as Planto was just a natural choice for a demon lord looking to gratify himself with mortal pleasures after being fired from Hell.

Loves:

The seven deadly sins, harassing religious figures and the elderly, metal bands, skull croquet

Hates:

Court TV shows, Goths, scrambled porn, clowns, people who can't "hang loose", thinking

Superpower:

Able to conjure and hurl dark hell-fire and unable to be slain, the Baron is a terror to meet on the battlefield. His complete disregard for self-preservation, when coupled with a demonic appetite for slaughter, makes him exponentially worse.

Taking up this alias, and following his former master, the Baron, when they were canned by the Devil, he went with him to become one of Planto's top minions. In Planto's service, he performs the same duties that he has for millennia in Hell...sneaking away from battles to pursue more rewarding activities, such as stick puppet construction and cookie sandwich artistry.

Loves:

Throwing things, building model cities, burning model cities and laughing, exploiting Arnold for amusement

Hates:

Getting called to battle, getting caught skipping battle, children, being called "short"

Superpower:

Like the Baron, Impman is able to conjure and hurl his own brand of hell-fire. He may only be struck down for a while before his demon body revives itself, much like his infernal homeboy.

The unofficial "leader" of the Five, the Nazgool uses his shadowy wisdoms to serve as counsel to Planto's imperial efforts, and also cover the Fives' asses when they botch a mission. Normally stoic, and morbidly serene, Nazgool takes great pride in his calculated manipulations but can quickly lose his undead cool and become just as bumbling and ineffectual as any of the other Five when his plans start to go awry.

Loves:

Reading the Galactic Times, explaining things with big words, manipulating Planto, abusing his power, abusing his power while drunk

Hates:

White wizards, most sit-coms, being asked to perform "tricks," looking foolish, salty coffee

Superpower:

Both on and off of the field of battle, Nazgool wields an arsenal of ancient, arcane spells that he uses in his own schemes as well as Planto's. Unafraid of most mortal weapons and able to fly through the air, he brandishes a wicked blade into battle.